THE CRASH WAS NOT MY FAULT BECAUSE...

This was so hilarious, I actually sat and copied it out from the newspaper article. Crazy insurance claim statements submitted by South African and international drivers after various accidents.



THE CRASH WAS NOT MY FAULT BECAUSE...

On Accidents with Pedestrians
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck a pedestrian.
The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.
The car in front hit the pedestrian, but he got up so I hit him again.
I saw her look at me twice. She seemed to be making slow progress on impact.
The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him.

Regarding Actual Car Accidents
I hit a stationary truck coming the other way because my headlights were faulty.
The cyclist was a little wobbly and didn't seem to know how to cycle properly, so I just went straight (over him).
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face. She is better now.
The other car collied with mine without warning of his intention to do so.
As I approached an intersection, a Stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no Stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
I told the police that I was not injured, but when I removed my cap, I found that I had a fractured skull.
The indirect cause of the accident was was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. My car then went to rest in a bush, with just my rear end showing.
I pulled to the side of the road because there was smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised there was a fire in the engine, so I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.
The accident occurred when I attempted to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.

Who or What Caused the Accident?
On approaching the traffic lights the taxi in front of me suddenly broke.
I have never driven a car with power steering before, so as I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.
The accident happened when the right front door of a vehicle came round the corner without giving a signal.
I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
Going to work at 7am this morning, I drove out of my driveway into a bus. The bus was five minutes early.
The accident happened because I had one eye on the taxi in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind me.
The waitress kept giving me more drinks than I needed in order to drive safely.
I ate something nasty and then my tyre had indigestion and it burst.

Taken from Vuyi Jabavu's column, Driving in Heels, Motor Mania supplement, The Times, Friday 16 September 2011.