YOU KNOW IT'S A RECESSION WHEN...

The buck stops back there.

You get toilet paper refills.

Pilots are loading the luggage (this really happened in the Netherlands)

You hear news that one of your friends hasn’t been retrenched.

Pessimists are smiling.

They take away the nice coffee at work.

Your bread isn’t buttered on either side.

You feel under-worked.

You have time to visit your gran.

You break an egg – then fix it.

The magazines are in black and white.

You have a piglet bank.

Advice isn’t free anymore.

You double-slice the bread.

You repair your shopping bags.

You’re renovating your tent.

You print out online news stories and make your own newspaper.

So little to do, so much time.

Dental floss feels like a guilty purchase.

There is no money to show me.

You only get out half what you put in.

There is life on other planets but they’re not hiring either.

No one gives you a penny for your thoughts.

You mark bills ‘Return to Sender’.

You let them get this round.

The pilots also serve the refreshments.

The one-horse town sells the horse.

Every little isn’t helping.

The trade the mountain bikes in for a tandem.

There are more average guys on the street.

It’s funny but no one’s laughing.

No news is good news.

You turn over a new leaf but there’s nothing under it.

They don’t have people who they can get to call your people.

Your next business lunch is at the soup kitchen.

Every silver lining has a cloud.

Your career path is overgrown.

Things can only get better.

You can buy I.O.U.’s in packs of 100.

Friends ‘forget’ it’s your birthday.

You find your calling but it’s closed.

The chat rooms are looking a bit dingy.

You can’t afford to pay lip service.

The lights are on but no one’s at work.

You get away from it all, but everyone’s there.

The weather guy must draw his own map.

Mid-morning is peak hour at gym.

Rush hour lasts seven minutes.

Your bum lands – but there’s no butter.

There’s no right side of the bed.

You get told a joke, but charged for the punch line.

You break it, you pay it off.

You can look, but you can’t touch.

You don’t need to make reservations.

You accept compliments – then sell them.

You can have your cake, but you can’t eat it.

You go out for dinner and guard your own car.

They sell loo paper per square.

The glass is half empty.

You make Christmas presents instead of buying them.

You’re waiting for a cell phone downgrade.

You last saved your CV ten minutes ago.

Smokers roll their own.

Even the water is watered down.

You watch Dr Phil at lunchtime.

You eat the crusts.

People switch from Mauritius to Margate.

There are more drivers on scooters.

There are more scooter riders on bikes.

You re-use last year’s diary.

You can only hire half a DVD.

It never rains, but it pours.


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